As someone who writes commercials for a living, albeit only for radio, I feel like I have a newly imbued right to pull apart any sort of advertising I see and judge it mercilessly. Well why not? Everything I write is judged by at least three people before it even gets anywhere close to being produced; and 65% of the time it's judged by people who have absolutely no clue what they are doing. I figure I am simply Paying It Forward (thank you Kevin Spacey - oh hey, I bet that's the first time anyone has said that in a long time. I mean anyone
I'm going to start with a commercial I just saw during a Rove ad break not fifteen minutes ago. I won't lie, I didn't even have the idea for doing this to commercials until it was nearly over, so I am not even 100% sure on what it was advertising - but I'm going to go out on a limb and say it was Special K.
If I had the ability, I would now throw to a visual aid of said commercial in the form of a YouTube
clip, but I couldn't find one. Would you be surprised if I told you there isn't a huge number of Special K ads on YouTube? No? Then be
surprised, because there are a BUCKETLOAD of them! Too many for my liking. Who is arbitrarily uploading Special K commercials and why aren't they watching porn like normal unbalanced internet addicts? But despite the abundance, the one I actually wanted wasn't there (lending weight to the argument that maybe it wasn't Special K at all?) - so you'll have to make do with my appalling paraphrasing.
So, there's a woman. She's going about the start of her day. How does this woman start her day? Well she starts it by completely ripping off a Berocca commercial, bouncing around her house being followed by an orangey glow.
The VO tells us that with the help of (still not 100%, but probably) Special K, this Berocca plagiarising floozy can handle "anything life throws at her". She can get dressed and stack the dishwasher and make the bed. Well thank goodness she had that (almost certain it was) Special K, huh? I can't tell you the number of times I've skipped breakfast, and have ended up having to eat spaghetti out of my lap, and then sleep on the floor because I've had no plates or clean bedding.
She then races out of the house and into the big bad world, powered by the fibre and goodness of (come on now, surely it must be) Special K. She's unstoppable! She's a force of nature! No matter what life "throws at her", she'll be ready for it! She has the stamina and control to face the horrors of life! Starting with her grueling job as...
A FLORIST?? That's the absolute pinnacle of (absolutely positive it was) Special K's ability? You can handle anything life throws at you as long as it is a chrysanthemum? Look, I'm sure florists get stressed too; I'm just saying if I were trying to market (what I'm almost dead certain is) my cereal, I'd be going a little bit harder than blossoms.
I think I liked it better when they were making giant red Ks out of female body parts. Shoes, knees, lips - remember? Don't worry if you don't - every single on of those stupid ads is on YouTube.