Tophe

I'm an interweb whore!

25 Facts About Me

1. I cannot, repeat CANNOT touch cotton wool balls. Just the thought of it makes my skin crawl. If you somehow got yourself a gaping mortal wound, were at risk of bleeding to death, and needed some cotton wool balls to stem the flow; I might be able to bring you a bag of them – if I held the very tip of the very corner of the bag – but you’d have to do the rest yourself. Sorry.

2. All my dvds have to be arranged alphabetically. BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO BE, THAT'S WHY.

3. I had the first inkling that I might be gay when I was 12, although I only realise that now in hindsight. I kissed a boy for the first time at 15, but it wasn’t until I was 23 that I knew enough to come out.

4. My first name was very nearly ‘George’. My Dad’s last name is Downs, so they had an immense amount of trouble coming up with a suitable name – Benjamin, Nicholas, Neil, Robert, Mark and many others were all out, owing to the bad puns they provided (Ben, Nick, Neil, Bob and Mark don’t go well with the word “down”). They had it down to ‘Christopher’ or ‘George’.

5. I am a grower, not a shower. (Oh don’t overreact. It’s not like I’m posting pictures or anything.)

6. I like the trailers before a movie starts. If anything, I think there should be more of them.

7. I try to be funny all the time, but I think I’m much funnier in writing than I am in person.

8. I have a nervous habit of flipping things in the air and catching them. I’ve broken the sliding bits off countless remote controls, and a few phones, by constantly flipping them. Flip flip flip. It drives the people around me mad.

9. Other nervous habits – spinning cushions on my finger like a basketball – but I can’t do it with an actual basketball and jiggling my leg - it’s like Jurassic Park wherever I go because the vibrations from my leg cause pulses in any nearby glasses of water.

10. I type fast. Really fast. I once took a typing test that clocked me at 117wpm, but normally it’s around 105wpm. And yes, the accuracy is acceptable. 97%.

11. I fucking HATE IT when, upon hearing the aforementioned fact, people immediately (and snidely) ask “yes, but what’s your accuracy like? 12%, I’ll bet!” Yes, that’s right. I just wildly mash the keyboard and call that typing. I pretend to have a high typing speed because fast typists get fucking LAID, man.

12. I am one of the most unsuccessful daters I know; and have been single for a very, very long time. Unbelievable, I know – because I’m such a catch, right?

13. Despite spending the majority of my life in deserts/tropical climates, I would still rather be cold than hot. You can always put another layer on when it’s cold, but there are a finite number of layers you can take off when it’s hot. And once you’re naked, you can still be hot. Also, you’re naked.

14. I LOVE orange flavoured things. There really is nothing I won’t eat if it is orange flavoured. But I’d really rather not eat an orange itself. I mean, they aren’t bad, it’s just...meh.

15. I’m all about videogames in general, but scary videogames are one of my favourite things ever. As I’m getting older they are harder to come by, but a game that is so scary you have to pause it to have a bit of a breather? That is AWESOME.

16. I am a stickler for spelling, and the correct use of words – for example: If you are sick, you are NOT ‘nauseous’, you are ‘nauseated’. ‘Nauseous’ means you cause nausea. I know the dictionary says that, due to common misuse, either is now acceptable; but that’s just lazy kowtowing and I want no part of it. Also, there is no ‘a’ in ‘definitely’. See it there? DEFINITELY? No ‘a’ at all. Those two are my biggest pet hates.

17. When I was a child, I thought I was mentally deficient somehow because I could never see “the man in the moon”. All I saw was a fucking rabbit. WHERE WAS THIS MAN EVERYONE KEEPS FAFFING ON ABOUT? WHAT MAN? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?? I was in my late teens before I realised that the ‘man in the moon’ is a northern hemisphere thing.

18. Speaking of shattered childhood illusions, I was 26 before I found out that Maria and Luis from Sesame Street are NOT Maria and Luis at all, and are NOT EVEN MARRIED. I think that wound is still fresh.

19. For 2009, I’m taking the George Costanza approach to life and doing the opposite of whatever my instincts tell me – I won’t lie, it’s kind of working so far.

20. My favourite food is dip. Nearly all dips. I love dip.

21. Most people remember me as a huge Buffy fan; and I am – but very few know about the early, dark days, when I thought it was the most stupid fucking show I had ever laid eyes on. I thought it was just ‘Sabrina the Teenage Witch’ without a budget for decent lighting. I hated it.

22. It’s because of fact #21 that I now refuse to watch any Star Wars movies – because I have spent quite a few years sporting a hearty and public disdain for them; and am afraid that if I were to go back and watch any of them again, I might suddenly get converted. And quite frankly, I’m nerdy enough, thanks.

23. I have a thing for watches. I own 14 of them at last count, even though only four work at the moment. I really should get the others fixed. I do love them.

24. I once lived in what could be called a tropical paradise. The water was azure, the beaches were golden, the people were sparse and the seafood was plentiful. And I was miserable for nearly all of it. Not because of the water, the beaches, the people or the seafood, mind you – well actually, it WAS the people, but that’s another story. And it was a little bit of the seafood too – I was nine, and didn’t care for it. The point is I sometimes now look at photographs or holiday show segments of “island paradises” and am completely unmoved. I’ll just hang out in a city, thanks. I love cities.

25. Before I got my tattoo, I should have put a lot more care and thought into the design I wanted. What I came up with was a little slapdash – but to this day, I still love it so much, which is quite lucky. I dodged a bullet there.

Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to?
No, why? Is there some kind of protocol?

Is it harder to be rejected or to reject someone else?
Who on earth would think it’s harder to reject someone else? I mean, my self esteem spends most of its free time splashing about in the toilet, but even I can see that if you prefer to be the one getting rejected than the one doing the rejecting – buy a freakin puppy or something.

What kind of music did you listen to in elementary primary school?
Hmm – 1986-92. Everything, really. I remember Rick Astley was in there somewhere – I’m not saying that because Rick Astley was of any particular significance to me, I just think it’s really funny.

Have you kissed someone in the last 48 hours?
I have not.

What was the last thing you drank?
Listerine! But wait, I didn’t actually drink it because I spat it out again. Does it count? If it doesn’t, Diet Coke. Jesus – you’ll have to forward all my mail to the edge, because apparently that’s where I live.

Have you been on a date in the past week?
no. Month – no. Year – no. Fuck you all.

Where are you going on your next vacation?
New York! Ten and a half weeks and counting.

Have you ever thrown up from working out?
I came so very close. And I never worked out that hard again, because who needs that shit?

Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
New. So, so new. I moved around so much as a kid I don’t have any old friends. Of all the friends that are actually in my life right now, the longest friendship wouldn’t be more than eight years; and I've known filtercore about that long. Hell, I’ve known nekidwhiteboy even longer.

Have you ever gotten so wasted you didn’t know what was going on?
Yeah, and it started out so much fun, and then got progressively less fun. Bloody Jack Daniels and bloody absinthe from the bloody Czech Republic and the awesome dehydrating powers of the bloody spa and that BLOODY CIGAR. It was the cigar that made me sick the next day, I’m sure of it.
I do remember the dude I was drinking with and I playing a real life version of Splinter Cell around our house – we were keeping to the shadows and staying as quiet as possible and seeing how much sneaking around we could do without being detected. And then later I was doing some kind of arm-waving interpretive dance to Hotel California. Those two events were at least two hours apart. I have no idea what happened in between or after. Or before.

Do you like pulpy orange juice?
It’s the only kind! I love orange juice you have to consider chewing.

Did you cry at your high school graduation?
Why, because it would be the last chance I got to share oxygen with those humourless, large-foreheaded, beady-eyed, single-syllabled, hairy-knuckled, narrow-horizoned, small-town fuckbags? Really not.

Do you prefer the tanning bed or the sun?
Official: Both are equally unhealthy. Protect your skin!
Unofficial: As soon as our pool hits 20 degrees, I’ll be out there getting a burn on.

Where are two of your favorite places to eat?
Bollywood Masala (in Canberra), the best damn Indian restaurant I’ve been to; and Wo-Hop in Chinatown, New York (the meal was on the table before I’d finished saying the name of what I ordered! Impressive).

What could you tolerate...someone who snores or a sleep walker?
As someone who has done both, sometimes simultaneously, I guess it’s only fair I tolerate either.

What is something your friends make fun of you for?
They think I need to shower every time I take a shit – which isn’t the case, I just figure I’m already at that end of the house, and my pants are already (mostly) off, I may as well take advantage of the situation and jump in the shower while I’m there. It’s time efficient.

What is your worst personality flaw?
I am terrible at small talk. This isn’t the flaw. The reason I’m so terrible at small talk is because I hate asking those questions – what do you do for a living, where did you grow up, do you have any siblings, what’s your favourite colour. That isn’t the flaw either. I hate asking those questions because I really don’t care. That’s the flaw. Even with my closest friends – I love them as much as my own family - but still, it’s a rare occasion that I will think to ask one of them how their weekend was. And if it wasn’t for the built in calendar on my phone, I’d never remember a birthday, ever. I'm inconsiderate, is what I'm saying.

Would you ever parachute off of a plane?
I would love to skydive, and I guess it would have to be out of a plane, but I’m not convinced that I’d be able to jump. I think someone would have to push me, because my feet just wouldn’t move.

Are you Irish in any way?
My great great grandfather was Irish, so that makes me 1/16th Irish.

Do you like to play Scrabble?
Yes, but fuck me do I hate to lose at it.

Have you ever drank Jack Daniels?
Obscene amounts.

Have you ever had sex on the beach?
I haven’t even had the drink of the same name.

What are you saving your money up for right now?
The aforementioned trip to New York. Specifically, the disgusting amount of money I plan to spend on clothes while in New York.

What was the last gift card you received?
A “Wish” gift card that’s good at a variety of unexpected stores, like Tandy, Dick Smith, Woolworths, Big W and BWS (Beer:Wine:Spirits). Obviously I spent it at BWS.

Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only sober person?
Yes, and I hate that. I hate being sober around people who are drunk. They make me angry. The obvious solution would be to get drunk with them, but more often then not I usually just stay away and sulk. I’m very mature.

What do you do when you spot a bug in your house?
Any old bug? I’d probably ignore it. A cockroach? I’ll kill it. A spider? I’ll FUCKING KILL IT TO DEATH. From the other side of the room with a well thrown shoe, because I’ll be damned if I’m getting close to the little fucker. It’s really the only time I’m ever responsible for a well thrown anything. If they put a spider on the glass behind a basketball net, I could play for the Boomers. As it stands, I couldn’t hit a lake if I was standing at the bottom of it.

Have you ever logged onto a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush myspace?
I have to get one of those first. A boyfriend, not a myspace. I have the myspace.

When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
1985.

Do you have a desk in your room?
No, I have important things like a bed and a television.

Have you ever gotten naked at a party?
I’m hardly ever naked. It’s best for all concerned.

Are you named after one of your parents or grandparents?
Only my middle name. Brian, for my Dad.

Have you ever broken a rib?
Yes! When I was hit by a car! Okay, it wasn’t a car, it was a boat that the car was towing. And I also broke my jaw, my knee, and fractured my neck. Good times.

Who is the most spoiled person you know?
The editor of Who kinda acts spoiled, but I think that’s just being a bitch, not actually being spoiled. In fact, most of the people who would be in the running for “most spoiled person I know” are probably just nasty bitches. My sister is still waiting for the day when the whole world wakes up, realises how awesome she really is, and starts spoiling her like she so sorely deserves – that’s close enough. (And if she reads this - you know it's true, slappy.)

Would you rather have a million dollars or true love?
The money, oh dear god, the money! They say money can’t buy happiness – but just let me try!

Have you ever had sex in church?
Not on the beach, not in a church, not in a box, not with a fox. I do not like it, Sam I Am.

Do you watch the Grammys?
I don’t make a point of it, but I wouldn’t turn them off.

Is your birthday on a holiday?
No, but five days before Christmas is FUCKING CLOSE ENOUGH. “I’ll just give you the one combined present, eh?” FUCK YOU, CHEAP RELATIVES.

Do you have any friends or family in the war right now?
Not in this, or any other war since the Battle of Hastings in 1066 (when we were D’Welldonaise, or some such). My family are all farmers and/or secret police types – they didn’t go to war.

Do you worry about global warming?
Worry? Yes. Spend all my time wringing my hands and being depressed about it? No.

Have you ever been cheated on?
Yes, and it sucks balls. As did she, apparently.

Did you lose your virginity to your neighbour?
Does this happen often enough to warrant a question in a meme? Is it a thing? No.

Did or do you think your childhood dreams will come true?
When I was five I had a dream that Optimus Prime sliced me in half with his arm which was a chainsaw. So I really hope not.

What's your opinion on gold diggers?
She ain’t messin with no broke, broke?

Are you a country or city girl/boy?
City. I’m a city boy by a country mile (HA!). I like tall buildings, I like city life, I like starless skies and trafficky white noise. I don’t gush over the ‘pure’ taste of tank water – I don’t like the taste at all in fact. And a lot of the country people I’ve met have been absolute counts. This is not necessarily all country people, so don’t get all offended, just the people in most of the shitholes I’ve lived in (Crows Nest, Moranbah, Proston, Murgon – turd filled, the lot of ‘em).

Do you want to hit something?
Right now, no. But I have a punching bag for when I do.

How many people have you kissed so far in 2008 that actually meant something?
Zero. I have lived a meaningless year.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
Yes, because I beat my alarm by 10 minutes which means I didn’t feel as rushed. Christ, I’m boring these days.

Do you hate the last person you kissed?
What?

Are you texting anyone right now?
I text while I’m at work. I used to text while I drove a car. But I don’t text while I’m meme-ing – what am I, irresponsible?

Do you like anyone right now?
I assume this means Like like, and yes I do.

Who was the last person who called you?
I had to check my phone log, because it hasn’t rung in over 24 hours. Unpopular! Shame. It was actually esselleesselle, because she needed some night time sound effects, and I am the white Michael Winslow. Either that, or I work in a radio station with a huge sound effect library. Whatever.

Is your ex still in your life as a friend?
I really am not comfortable with that concept at all, so no.

Are you wearing any clothes that don't belong to you?
Earlier today I was wearing underpants that were leftover from a Davenport promotion at the radio station, but technically they were mine by the time I put them on.

Have you ever liked someone who all your friends hate?
I’m far too codependent to be that much of an individual.

Rightio, I'm on board:

Take a picture of yourself right now.
Don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair...just take a picture.
Post that picture with NO editing.
Post these instructions with your picture



So technically this was taken an hour ago while I was still at work, but I had to wait until I got home to bluetooth it the photo from my phone.

It's not what it looks like, by the way. I don't have pink eye, I'm just sleepy. I have two jobs now! I'm a hardware selling, radio show panelling, script writing machine! I can barely hold my head up once 10pm rolls around - you can tell by the angle of the photo!

01. Those of you who use iTunes/winamp, post a line for each song on your 25 Most Played list, no matter how embarrassing
02. Let your friends guess all your "favourite" songs and artists!
03. Strike through and credit the winner as each song is guessed.

like upandatthem, I have cheated slightly by removing multiple entries by the same artist.

( And not a one of these is Reel Big Fish. I'm not showing my boys enough love! )